Friday, August 15, 2014

Weight Loss Lessons From My 6-Year Old

As the proud father of an amazing little boy, I got to thinking about what life has been like with him and most importantly, FOR him since he was born. Before we delve too far, allow me to get a bit personal.

My son Jackson (Jax for short) was born in Charleston, South Carolina in January of 2008. Roughly 5 weeks after he was born, his mother and I split up. While we were both immensely happy to be parents, we were no longer compatible as a couple. Fortunately, we made a pact very early on that we would do everything in our power to see that Jax saw little of the ill effects of our divorce. Being devoted in our love for him has made that a reality as I can promise you Jax never hurts for love, support, or attention! And there is still a happy ending on all accounts, as his mother has remarried a very nice gentleman herself and I'm very blessed to say I will be remarrying an incredible woman in a couple of months!

However, a little over 3 years ago, after many attempts to understand why Jax wasn't communicating at the same level as other children his age, he was diagnosed with autism. By all accounts, he is an energetic, immensely happy and bright boy. But should you attempt to engage in conversation with him, you'll quickly see his challenges. While he is able to say some words, many of them aren't as clear as one might hope or expect and he rarely ever speaks or responds in sentences. As his mother and I have found out along the way, sometimes one step forward in progress with communication can cause one to two steps back in other areas of his life. As I am prone to say, raising a typical child has a certain set of challenges; raising a child with autism just has a different set of challenges!

So what does autism or being a 6 year old have anything to do with your ability to lose weight? Maybe more than you think...

Small Victories Rule 
As parents, we have learned to accept small victories with Jax and not be in expectation of leaps and bounds in progress. If the leaps of progress occur, we're all elated but we have to focus on his ability to tackle challenges at his pace. Weight loss is no different. While many people (especially at the beginning of their weight loss journey) can see big drops in weight, those drops won't stay at that rate. The body has to adjust which can be terribly frustrating. Consistency and patience trump nearly everything when it comes to steady and sustainable weight loss. 

Get Lost In Yourself
One of the things we've learned as we have watched Jackson grow up is, he tends to be in his own little world. In many ways, it makes being around him very easy. He doesn't need the external approval of people around him to be happy. He's perfectly self-sufficient and can literally entertain himself for significant lengths of time. While this can lead to some interesting social situations, he thrives when he can accomplish what he wants to by himself. If you consider what has to be done for you to lose weight, it is truly all about you. While it may take a support system to get you started or keep you going, you have to be willing to be selfish to make time to care for yourself and your health. No one is going to eat the food (proper selections and portions) for you or lift the weights to elicit the right response. Everything that needs to be done, will be done by you and you alone. So, take solace in getting "lost in yourself" to hit your goals.

Be Unstoppable 
Jax is going through a phase right now where the word "No" is very funny to him. To be specific, if I ask him if he wants something or if there is something he wants to do, usually his first reply is "No" even if, in reality, it's actually "Yes". In addition, hearing the word "No" from his mother or myself turns into a bit of a game. I personally think this has less to do with autism and more to do with being a 6-year old who basically gets whatever he wants! Jax needs the world to conform to HIS wants and needs. The humorous thing is, he's just so damn happy about everything. Hardly anything gets him down. He has discovered that the word "No" is not only empowering but it helps him keep control over a situation. How does this pertain to weight loss? Remove the barriers that constantly try to get in your way. Try to develop a lighter approach and perspective to your obstacles. Let's take weighing in on the scale as an example. Many people make positive changes in their diet and activity levels and then completely derail when the scale doesn't give them the answer they're expecting. Take the number on the scale and let it motivate you to stay consistent, tighten up the deviations to your plan, and give the little bit of 'extra' you might need to see the number on the scale change in your favor for the next weigh-in. Don't let the slight detours in life throw you off the reservation. As my happy little guy would illustrate, "be unstoppable" when it comes to pushing through and getting the results you want. Then again, if you're saying Yes to too many things that are getting you off course, Jackson would be happy to give you a lesson in No!

Being Uniquely You Will Be Your Greatest Asset 
Since Jackson was diagnosed with autism, I've been able to experience what life is like for other children on the autism spectrum. Believe me when I say, they are all completely different! Some have better verbal skills and others are more introverted. Some are hypersensitive to loud sounds, others are hypersensitive to bright colors. Taking small lessons from the parents about their experiences and best practices can be a nice guideline but what works for them/their children may not work for Jackson. Consider this when you look at physiques on the cover of magazines, contestants in weight loss shows, or the diet your neighbor has seen such great results with. We are not cut from the same cloth and we haven't grown up with the same life experiences, challenges, or perceptions. Make every effort to find out how you and you alone can thrive with your health, wellness, and fitness goals. I can assure you, it will likely be very different from what works for those around you. Start a journal of what you like and how your body responds to different stimuli. Stop searching and waiting for the panacea that supposedly works for other people. Focus ONLY on what works for you. Once you've determined how your body best performs, you will finally make sustainable strides in progress.

It's Not What You Do, It's How You Do It.
One thing that Jackson's mother and I found out early on is that he behaves very differently around each of us. Since the majority of his time is spent with her and her family, she generally sees greater changes at a faster rate than I do. In fact, she could see Jax exhibit a certain behavior weeks before he demonstrates the same behavior for me. As a result, we have learned to appreciate that we handle our parenting roles in different ways with him. So, we have to be candid with each other about what things we have done to help Jackson continue to see progress in his life. If a best practice worked for her, it may or may not work for me and that open line of communication has been pivotal for us. With weight loss, let's say you believe that running will help you lose weight faster. In many cases, you could be right. Running, in and of itself, is a great calorie burner. However, not everyone was intended to run long distances. Maybe they carry too much weight on their frame or they're rehabbing an injury. So, you have to get creative. Maybe you need to focus on sprint work (higher intensity, shorter distances) or hill work (slower speed, higher hills/inclines/resistance). It could be that running just doesn't work at all at this stage of your journey and you just have to make sure you walk for a certain amount of time each day. Each one of these activities engages your lower body to perform, but you have to listen to the signals in your body to determine which road to travel (pun intended). Respect the deviations to the plan as long as they help you reach your goal in the safest possible manner.

So, that about wraps it up! Nothing about weight loss and keeping the weight off was intended to be easy. It will always be hard work and there will be countless frustrations along the way. Allow that motivation to push you further along, not bury you. Remember that we are all confronted with life-changing challenges on a daily basis. You're no different in that regard, neither am I, and certainly Jackson is no exception!

We're here to help you be the best YOU that's possible!

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